


Jonah Magnus Makes a Questionable Decision

by DemiBoyDoesStuff



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff and Humor, Kid Fic, Non-Chronological, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Timeline What Timeline, creepiness used for humor, ep 160 spoilers, that would probably go poorly, what if all the avatars tried to raise a kid?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22161337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemiBoyDoesStuff/pseuds/DemiBoyDoesStuff
Summary: Jonah Magnus has a different idea on how to make the perfect archivist.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 165





	1. Jonah Magnus's questionable decision

**Author's Note:**

> this is just the prologue, things are gonna get wild after this

Jonah Magnus has been working for the watchers crown for a long time, a very long time, and it is starting to occur to him that he might be going about things all wrong. 

It’s his archivist who initially gives him the idea, she mentions it offhandedly, something about how closely all the powers are tied, how it seems like only an avatar of every fear could really have the power to bring any into the world. 

It sparks an idea in Jonah, one that would take a lot of work and negotiation, but might just be worth it.

He starts by getting more avatars on board, he doesn’t need one of  _ every _ power, just enough that they can pressure the others into helping. It’s shockingly easy to get some, Nicola is more than willing to help, Simon jumped on the idea before he could even fully explain, Amherst, while maybe not being the best for the job, was excited to help,  Rayner had nodded sagely and said his church was open for Jonas plan, the web sent her blessing in the form of a few helpful gifts (cobweb covered and delivered by an unnerving pair of cockney men, but still nice), and Peter was automatically roped in by virtue of being married to Elias. The cult of the lightless flame was a bit harder to convince, already in the middle of a superficially similar plan, but they didn’t say they were against it. Avatars of the other fears would be a bit hard to hunt down, but Jonah was confident that he could handle it.

The next step is a bit more tricky. Adoption agencies were not the most discreet, and would likely want to continue to check up on the child, but individuals looking to get rid of a baby are hard to find. It’s another gift from the web that allows him to find the child. 

The grandmother meets him at the door, smoking a cigarette, she is beautiful and stylish, with expensive clothes and fine taste and well styled graying hair, and while Jonah would not consider himself shallow he can’t help but hope the child inherits her beauty. 

“Your partner couldn’t come?” she asks as she lets him in.

“No, I’m afraid Peter is at sea right now and wasn’t able to get back in time.” she hums softly, giving nothing away and Jonah moves on before they fall into a lul.

“So where is he?” Jonah asks with a polite smile, she gestures for him to follow up the stairs of her tastefully decorated home and leads him into a nursery, which is mostly bare but for the crib, changing table and the boxes of baby things, packed away, or perhaps never unpacked at all after his parents funeral.

Jonah peers down into the crib and the baby boy peers right back up, squirms in his soft blue onesie. 

“How precious.” Jonah says, picking him up (that’s the right thing to do with a baby you’re looking to adopt, yes? Even if that adoption is slightly shady) “how soon would you let me take him?” he is warm and solid in Jonah’s hands in a way he doesn’t recognize, never having actually held a baby before, Elias has though, nieces and nephews before he fell out with his family and right into Jonah’s grip, so his body knows what to do.

“As soon as you’re ready,” she says, the baby stares at him with big dark eyes “I assume you’ll want to wait until your partner returns.” 

“Oh no, I’d love for the baby to be settled before he comes back.” he stares back down at him, bounces him gently in a way that feels natural.

“Then sooner would be better.” 

“Yes,” Jonah agrees, putting the baby back, he fusses a bit as he’s set down “there’s just the paperwork to finish up.”

“Of course,” she says, “We can do that in my office” she leads him out the door and into her office, which is clean and furnished with the same kinds of imposing darkwood furniture that Jonah likes for his office.

"You must do me one thing." She says as she signs the adoption papers. Jonah smiles politely.

"Keep his name." 

“Of course,” Jonah says, taking the paperwork back from her and double checking it, “thank you Misses Sims, I assure you, Jonathan will have the best care possible.”


	2. Statement of Jennifer Hopton regarding Jon's first week at school, never given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason Jon is homeschooled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please do not expect most chapters to come out this fast, I just wanted to get something out that wasn't the prologue

Jonathan Sims is, like many students, brought into reception by his father, and, like many students, especially those who didn’t go through nursery, is screaming. 

His father is fussing over him, wiping away tears and fixing his uniform and muttering reassurances.

“It’s just a few hours Jon, then Alfred will pick you up, you love spending time with your uncle Al, Jon calm down, it’s just like staying with Notlydia.” Jon is not having any of it, sobbing and switching between wordless shrieks and desperate begging for his dad to not leave him. 

“I’m so sorry” Jon’s father says to her with a sheepish smile as he stands “I had hoped he would be able to handle this with more grace, but I’m afraid not” Jon clings to his leg, balling up his fists in his expensive looking slacks. 

“It’s fine Mr. Sims, it happens all the time” Mrs. Hopton, tells him. She’s still new to teaching, and this is only her fourth year, but she has at least one student who cries all day on the first day every year, so she’s not particularly concerned about Jon. 

“It’s Bouchard, actually, and I’m sure it does, I just hoped for more from Jon.” he places a hand on Jon’s head comfortingly. 

“I’m sure he’ll adjust Mr. Bouchard, the first day is hard for everyone.”

“Of course,” he nods “I’m afraid I do have to get to work though,” he kneels and pries Jon’s hands off his pants “I am going to leave now Jon,” he holds Jon’s little hands in his while Jon’s sobs pick up again “your uncle will pick you up and I will see you tomorrow.” with that he drops Jon’s hands and walks away too fast for Jon to follow. 

Jon quiets down as the day wears on, he stops screaming when he realizes that it won’t make his father come back and spends the rest of the day hiding away from the other students and hoarding books, Mrs. Hopton makes an effort to get him to engage with the others, but her approach just makes him start crying again, so she leaves him be. 

At the end of the day a small man in a tatty brown suit arrives and Jon immediately drops his book and sprints across the room to get to him. The little man’s sharp scowl suddenly morphs into a smile and he hefts Jon up onto his hip. 

“How was your first day of school?” he asks

“Bad. I’m not coming back.” Jon says, the man, presumably his uncle Al, laughs. He gives Mrs. Hopton a waves as he carries Jon out and for a second she’s absolutely full of a strange and directionless rage. 

The next day, Jon is dropped off neither by his father nor his uncle Al, but two large men in overalls with cartoonish cockney accents. Jon does not scream and cry this time, mostly because he’s too tired. He’s sleeping when they bring him in and barely wakes up when they place him on the floor behind his desk. 

“Excuse me,” she says,

“Shhhh” says one man,

“You’re gon’ wake ‘im” says the other

“Well yes,” she says “he needs to be woken up.”

“Not yet” says one

“Le’ ‘im sleep” says the other, 

“I can’t just-” 

“Shhh” says the one, the other puts a finger over her mouth and the strange inhuman feeling of it stops her from saying anything until after they’re gone. She decides to just let Jon sleep until the other students wake him up.

Jon sleeps for about an hour and a half before waking up and crying again, he spends the rest of the day just like he spent the first, reading and ignoring the other kids. 

When Mr. Bouchard arrives to pick Jon up she asks him if they can take a moment to talk but he brushes her off, telling her that he needs to get back to work and Jon, who is already falling asleep in his arms, needs a nap.

“I’m a bit concerned about him sleeping through most of class today.” she tells him

“I’ll be sure to get a bedtime in place, and keep it consistant regardless of who’s watching him.”

“He also isn’t showing any interest in interacting with the other students, or joining in any of the activities, it’s still new to him I know but I’d like to see-”

“I will talk to him about it later, right now I just want to get him into bed.”

Mr. Bouchard drops Jon off for his third day at school and Jon does not cry. He does mope, but he halfheartedly involves himself in class activities and even starts talking to some other students. Although he does still try to avoid her, It’s massive improvement and Mrs. Hopton is glad she took the time to talk to his father. 

It’s another relative that picks Jon up that day, and Jon is just as excited to leave as he has been every other day. This man wears a poorly fitting tan suit and has an odd smell to him. He picks Jon up and Mrs. Hopton approaches to tell him how much better Jon has been doing in class, but as she does she notices a fly wandering on the shoulder of his jacket. Jon notices too and holds out his hand for it to wonder onto. 

“A blue bottle!” he says, holding the fly in front of the man’s face

“Yes Jon, a beautiful blue bottle fly! Good identification skills!” he kisses Jon’s temple and Jon wipes it off, as many children do, but Mrs. Hopton sees the greasy smear it leaves on his uniform’s sleeve. 

“Oh!” the man says, “you must be Jon’s teacher, I’m his uncle Amherst,” he says with a smile, he offers his hand to shake but Mrs. Hopton just shows him that her’s are still smeared with finger paint. 

“I’m sure you’re here to tell me what a pleasure Jon is to have in class, he’s such an eager learner” Jon has cupped his hand by Amherst’s neck and Mrs. Hopton doesn’t realize why until he holds it out towards her.

“Horse-fly.” he says, and there are now two flies on his hand, she takes an instinctive step back and Jon looks strangely hurt, Amherst gives her a dirty look. 

“Let me see the flies, Jon” he says and Jon perks up.

“They’re friends!” he says, showing the flies to Amherst. 

“They do look like the best of friends, don’t they” Amherst says as he carries Jon out. Mrs. Hopton doesn’t realize that she didn’t get to say anything about Jon’s improvement until later, but she can’t quite care. 

She meets the first female member of Jon’s family the next day, when a woman who introduces herself as Gertrude Robinson brings him in, Jon calls her auntie archivist.

Jon starts out having a fairly nice day, he avoids Mrs. Hopton even more than before, but he’s actually having conversations with his fellow classmates, participating in activities, he even reads a simple book out loud to a few other students, Mrs. Hopton had assumed that he was simply looking at the pictures before.

Things fall apart during break. Mrs Hopton doesn’t get to see what started the fight, she only sees Jon knock another student to the ground, pin him, and start screaming at him. She has to physically drag Jon away the other student while he screams about how “he killed her, she wasn’t hurting anyone and he killed her”

This obviously results in Jon’s father getting a call. 

“Is there a problem, Mrs. Hopton?” Mr. Bouchard asks

“I’m afraid someone is going to need to pick Jon up, he got into a fight with another student.”

“May I speak to him?” she looks at Jon, sitting with his arms crossed defiantly, grass stains on his knees and tear tracks on his face, “of course.” she says and she hands the phone over to Jon. 

“It’s your father.” she says

“Yes dad?” he asks into the phone, his voice shakes a little and he wipes his nose on his sleeve. 

“Yes but- yeah I know but- dad! Dad he killed a spider! She was just checking on me and he killed her!” Jon is shrieking, looking like he might start crying again, then he slouches in his seat “yes I know” he says defeatedly “he didn’t need to kill her though… ok… yeah, uncle Al’s gonna love it… ok” he sounds a bit more cheerful in the last few statements. He hands the phone back. 

“Hello?” she asks,

“I’m on my way to the school right now, please hold off on any disciplinary actions until I get there.” he says, and then he hangs up. 

“He’s on his way, we’re going to wait for him.” she says.

“I know” Jon says. 

When Elias gets there Jon acts as he has every time he’s been picked up thus far, just with a bit more crying. Elias picks him up and dries his tears with a handkerchief. Soothing him as if he was the one who was pinned to the ground and verbally assaulted.

“Please sit.” she says, Jon reacts by screaming again.

“No!” he shrieks “No! No! I don’t wanna be here! I don’t like her! She’s not like us! She’s scary and bad and she hates bugs and spiders and strangers and she hates me! I don’t want to be here” Elias does his best to sooth him but it’s only the promise that they’ll leave that makes Jon quiet.

“My apologies,” Elias says “I’m afraid this institution isn’t right for Jon, he needs an environment where his appreciation for the more frightening things in life will be appreciated and allowed to thrive, and I don’t think think this is it. I will talk to your superiors about his withdrawal” he says, like being called in because his son got into a fight over a spider is somehow the schools fault, and he leaves.

Mrs. Hopton doesn’t go into work for the next few days, as she’s quite sick, some kind of outbreak she’s told, with so few students and teachers coming in that they considered canceling for a few days, but when she does return she finds that Jon has officially withdrawn from the class, and she can’t say she’s upset.


End file.
